Never a lost cause

There are many days when I think, that's it. My shooting star has burned out, and my nursing career is over. Burn out is a big problem in the health industry with the nursing shortage. It gets exhausting taking care of all of those patients alone, wishing you had a way out, a break, a respite from it all. I labour in vain, I sometimes think. I see all of these people come in, but many never leave alive. I see them get worse instead of better despite our best efforts, and it gets frustrating. It just gets old. I know that this is what happens when you have a very sick person come in. They aren't all older people. They are sometimes young. My age.

Then I think of the crazy Scottish patient we had who came in kicking and screaming. She was anxious, combative, pulling out every line we put into her, over and over again. She was confused-a true psych patient-with whom I have no training. She wore me out. When we signed in each morning, we'd groan if we were assigned to her. She was a full days work all on her own. But today she left. She walked out on her own power (after the wheel chair ride) and went to a place where she'd continue more intensive rehab. And I was sad, as I rarely ever am with patients. Amazing, I thought, that a few weeks ago she was a total drain, and now had become a complete joy. She was getting better. She was alert, motivated, and full of hope for a new tomorrow. I had grown to love her. When I pulled her old restraints out of the dresser and ceremoniously threw them out, I asked her if she wanted to take them with, just in case. "You take 'em home," she said, "and see how much fun they are." Um...thanks...but...no.

And now her room is silent. Not silent with death. But a quiet hope that she'd be better and home again soon. Her call light isn't going to buzz any longer. What did I gain from her? A reminder not to give up on people, even if theirs seems a lost cause.

I must look like a lost cause. Jesus didn't think so, even though the world would give up on me. He believed that so much that He died for me. To date, He is the only One to ever do that. I don't expect any more takers before my death or rapture. Did Jesus ever want to give up? No. It says in the Bible that He got tired, and He went away to rest. But when He got to where He was going, the crowd intercepted Him, crying "Feed me! Minister to my needs!" And you know what? He did. He loved them, even though He was mourning the loss of John and was looking closely into the face of death Himself. How can I strive to be more like Him? How can I be faithful in my frustration and weariness?

I can't. But I can give it to Him. He is my refuge, my rest. My respite. My Redeemer.