I have seen heaven...

I bought this thing awhile back for $50 for 2 nights at the Raddison in Branson. The deal was we had to go on a tour of this amazing resort, the Big Cedar, and endure a 90 minute presentation on time shares. A week before we headed out they called to say that we didn't have rooms at the Raddison, would we mind staying at the Big Cedar? It was $269 a night, but for us, a complimentary upgrade. I don't get excited about anything. I said, "Um, ok."

So we went. I lectured Derek (hubby) all the way there. "I don't care if they offer free fishing and hunting or anything else. We do the tour, say no thanks, pick up our free gift and leave. " Really. I mean it.

When we arrived at the front gate I knew we were in trouble. The registration center was beautiful. Deer antler chandeliers, stained glass windows, logs, leather furniture...every outdoorman's dream. As it turns out I'm kinda into the whole north-woods decor kinda thing, so I was sure we had been raptured and were now standing at Heaven's gate. St Peter was a woman in her 50's who called a shuttle for us and had us driven to our room a quarter mile away. 800 acres of trees and mountain and streams...heaven. And she told us we could go in.

We were escorted to our mansion in glory. (I really thought we'd all have our own, but whatever). The door opened. Angels sang. Beams of light shot out from behind the beds. I hadn't expected something so grand! Feather beds with 5 million count percale, down comforter, and wool Pendleton blankets in burnt orange with animal prints on it.

You know on Lord of the Rings where Smeegle looks at the ring and says "My precious!!!" Well, this was now me. Derek saw the danger, and started warning me. "When he sleeps I'll pokes out his eyeses." It would be MINE. MY PRECIOUS. And enjoy the ammenities we did. The canoes on Table Rock Lake, the lazy river at the lodge, the mini-golf. I was Eve only instead of forbidden fruit, "The Cookie Lady" brought us cedar shaped gingerbread cookies every evening at 8 and turned down our beds.

FEATHERBEDS!!!! God wanted me to have this!!!! So we went to our presentation. We'd tasted the forbidden fruit, and now we were face to face with satan himself, and he claims to have worked with Loretta Lynn. But wow, he was convincing. Made it sound great. I was being sucked in. Derek was the rock. About 45 minutes into the presentation satan asked if we had any questions yet. Derek said, "What'd you do with Loretta Lynn?"

That's mah boy.

Turns out he'd sung back-up. Apparently not very lucrative.

So satan continued the presentation (apparently it was 90 football minutes) and showed us what was going to be "our cabin". Our "home away from home." Unbelievable. Then we went in for the sales pitch. "All this and a free set of ginsu knives for $20,000." I was starting to think, hey, this isn't heaven. My....precious???

You know how the really good dreams end up with an alarm and no time to hit snooze? That was my reality. We thanked kind sir and accepted our free gifts (Bass pro gift certificate and show tickets) and went to enjoy the rest of our short trip in peace. Sort of.

I know I should be grateful for the respite. And I am. "He leads me beside still waters and restores my soul" it says in Psalms 23. I know that I have to wait awhile. I also know God's preparing my mansion in glory. I just hope it's made of logs and has a featherbed.

By the way, if you have $20k laying around I HIGHLY recommend Bass Pro's Big Cedar Lodge in Branson. There's a really great guy named Ray Burdett who'd be glad to set you up! Go to www.bigcedar.com for a preview (photos don't do it justice) and contact Bass Pro about the "Time share presentation special for $60." If you can spare 90 minutes or so it's worth it!